.

My name is Nicole, and today I am a grateful alcoholic.

For many years, I could not understand or accept that I was an alcoholic. Addiction took me places I never imagined I would go. I made choices that hurt myself and the people I loved. I experienced a loss of my 14 year old son, broken relationships, physical suffering, and consequences that could have ended my life.

My drinking eventually caused serious damage to my health, including cirrhosis and kidney failure. There were times when I was simply trying to survive, and I didn't understand why my life had become so painful.

 

But today, I can look back and see that God never stopped pursuing me. He saved me on my death bed. I was getting ready to give up, I was yellow and my daughter took me to the hospital. they told me I was gonna die. I had 24 hrs to live, my family started coming in and making peace saying their good byes. I've seen how much I was loved by other's. I pleaded with god to save me to show me love and a better life show me compassion, a better way to live. I was mad at God for taking my son. I then said sorry. I surrendered everything I had to Jesus that day and he has showed me how to live and has fully accepted me and guides my recovery with grace. He said he said he's not done with me yet, and by the grace of god im still here 2 years and 4 months later. I’m still alive and have not touched a drop of alcohol.  

 

When I finally found my way into Alcoholics Anonymous and counseling, something began to change. I started learning how to take responsibility for my life instead of blaming everyone and everything around me. I learned about honesty, willingness, acceptance, surrender, and letting go and letting God.

 

AA and Mental Health, Church counseling gave me tools, but I believe God gave me the opportunity to use them.

 

My recovery has not been about becoming perfect. It has been about becoming willing. Willing to ask for help. Willing to face my past. Willing to make amends. Willing to grow. Willing to trust God one day at a time.

 

Today, I see my survival differently. I believe God spared my life for a reason.

 

I have experienced pain, grief, addiction, and consequences, but I have also experienced grace, forgiveness, recovery, and hope. The things I once thought were only broken pieces of my life are becoming part of my testimony.

 

That is why I want to help other people.

 

I want women and families who are struggling with addiction to know that their story does not have to end where their addiction brought them. There can be another chapter. There can be restoration. There can be a purpose in your life.

 

I want to create a safe place where people can begin rebuilding their lives—where they can learn recovery, find accountability, develop life skills, reconnect with their purpose, find their higher power and discover that they are still worthy of hope.

 

I know what it feels like to be lost.

 

I know what it feels like to believe that your life is too broken to be repaired.

 

And I know what it feels like to discover that God can take what was meant for destruction and use it for something greater.

 

I don't want to keep what God has given me to myself. I want to use my experience, my recovery, and the lessons I have learned to help others find their way.

 

I am not building The Promise Land because I have lived a perfect life.

 

I am building it because I know what it means to need a place of hope.

 

I am a survivor.

I am in recovery.

I am a grateful alcoholic.

And I believe I have been spared to be sent to help others who think they are not too far gone.